This is the spider I killed in my apartment last night. It is freaking huge. Gargantuan. Mammoth. And here's the deal: I hate, hate, spiders.
I also hate snakes, slugs, reptiles, amphibians, big yucky bugs, and most other creatures which are disliked by prissy women and little girls. That's right; I'm a little girl.
It's not just that I don't like spiders. I'm am, literally, a little girl about them. Last night when I saw this spider, I yelped. I grabbed my slipper and hit it, enough to kill it but not enough to leave spider residue on the sole (because that's gross too). Then I grabbed a bookmark and attempted to ever-so-gently scoop the carcass off the rug, because I didn't want to touch it. The scoop technique was not working because of the texture of the rug. On the phone with my girlfriend, she suggested I use a Kleenex to lift the spider up. I wanted nothing to do with that, because I knew I'd be able to feel the spider through the Kleenex and that would gross me out.
Eventually, using the bookmark to push the spider to the wood floor, I was then able to scoop it up and deposit it in the trash. But I wasn't ready to deposit it in the trash. Why? Because I needed to justify the girliness of my fear of seeing it and of touching it. So I placed it on a white background (a paper towel), and took a photo using a dime for scale. I e-mailed it to Carrie to show her that my response was valid.
So what we have here in this little story is an amalgamation of my poor qualities: 1) unsubstantiated fear (honestly, it's just a spider, right?), 2) immaturity (acting like a little girl), 3) helplessness (I had to ask for advice about what to do with it), 4) need for validation (taking the photo for evidence). There's probably more to this whole episode than just that, but I'll leave the rest of the symbolism up to you.
I hope you enjoyed this fresh little anecdote, this deviation from the path this blog has taken thus far. I'll try to keep the pity-wallows to a minimum from here on out, for everyone's sake.
3 comments:
How does it make you feel that in YOUR lifetime you will swallow (approx.) eight spiders.
Those little critters will walk right... down... your... throat!
Yum.
Is it also true that you eat a pound of dirt during your lifetime? This figure seems quite low.
You know what? I am pissed because "Blogger robots tagged my blog as a spam blog." I can't make posts on the Ocean of Notions until my blog is reviewed by a "real person." I can make drafts however. My next post is adding up to a great big long bitch of a post.
I used to have two tarantulas in an aquarium with a pane of glass that separated them. I got from someone who was hard up for beer money. I named them George and Ringo. They were ugly things, I don't know why I kept them. I wasn't sorry when they died.
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