A New Approach

OK, now that I've given the theoretical background for why I'm so miserable (thanks for reading), I'll go into some more specific things about my metacognition that bring me down. Here goes.

I'm not smart.

There. I said it. I'm not smart. I'm so sick of people commenting on how I'm so smart, coming to me with questions because they think I'm smart, and trying to boost my self-esteem by reminding me how smart I am. I'm downright not smart. Being smart implies an ability to formulate new and exciting ideas, assimilate the thoughts of others into coherent revolutionary thoughts, come up with ideas no one else would ever come up with, etc., etc. I cannot do any of these things. I might have a lot of knowledge, but I am far from smart.

Recent comments about how smart I am have stemmed from my ability to solve multiple crossword puzzles in mere minutes, properly pronounce/define words, correct the grammar of others, spot misspellings in the newspaper, and other trivial matters such as that. That's not intelligence. Those attributes come from a vast storage of useless facts, an attention to detail, and a knowledge of when one should utilize the word whom in lieu of the word who. Nothing groundbreaking there. Just frivality.

I was at my classroom observation yesterday morning when I noticed this phrase tacked to the wall above the chalkboard: "Education means developing the mind, not stuffing the memory." You see? I could never come up with a phrase like that to so adequately describe that my mental capacity is not a result of level of education (intelligence), but rather a biproduct of jamming my brain full of useless facts (knowledge).

So, often, when people tell me "you're so smart," I chafe and respond with a "shut up" or "whatever." This results in people telling me that I can't take a compliment, and probably in people refusing to make compliments to me about other things--some of which I might actually deserve. But I'm not upset about the fact I'm being complimented. I'm upset about the fact that the complimenter is not using proper terminology. I'm not at all smart. If I were smart, I could read this stupid book about Shakespeare's Roman plays for my class tonight and be able to give a lucid presentation about how the author feels about Shakespeare as a whole, and whether or not I agree or disagree with her based on my own readings of the plays. Instead, I find myself going through it, a page at a time, not grasping most of it, taking notes on the few things I find which do seem interesting, and preparing to read through my notes, one at a time, in class and call that a presentation. That's not intelligence at all; that's a rehashing of facts. That's where I excel.

The next time I say or write or do something which makes you think "wow, he's smart," take a moment and think about it before you make that comment. Am I really smart? Or is it all just a facade? Define the word intelligence. Does the thing I said/wrote/did actually fit under that definition? The answer, most likely, is "no." Don't let me fool you anymore.