A Couple Days in the Life

At a lack of anything to rant about from the past week or so, believe it or not, I'll just talk about some interesting things which have occurred to me within the last couple days. I will relate them in chronological order, not necessarily in order of interest.

1.) I went on a little trip with Megan on Thursday. As part of the adventure, we went to PetSmart and a puppy licked my face. I don't know what you think about this, but that's about the most disgusting thing possible. To quote Brian from Family Guy, dogs use their tongues as toilet paper. This little Scottish Terrier had probably taken a crap and "wiped" within the last half hour or something, and now it was rubbing that dirty tongue all over my nose and mouth. That is just gross, people. Gross. Pets are disgusting, and I don't understand why anyone would want one. Not only are they filthy creatures, but they are an unnecessary nuisance in the home. I'm sorry, but I have a hard enough time feeding and taking care of myself. Why would I want an annoying little animal running around, needing me to wait on it hand and foot? No thanks, lower forms of life. Find some other sucker.

2.) After we came home, I had to run up to campus and take care of a couple things. One of my pressing issues was a parking ticket which I had received the day before. I have been parking in the faculty/staff lot outside Old Main a lot this semester and had not received a ticket. But I got cocky on Wednesday and left my car parked there for like five hours. Bad idea. Anyway, I had to go down to UPD in Van Housen to pay the ticket--or so I thought. I pulled into a parking spot near the entrance and ran in to make the payment. At the parking department, though, I discovered a sign informing me I have to go to the Miller Building to pay parking tickets. Crummy. So I left again. I ran into Ray and offered to give him a ride up the hill so he wouldn't have to walk. I'm a nice guy. As we were going up the hill, though, I noticed a little piece of paper under my windshield wiper. I had another ticket! Five minutes (at most), and I'd received another ticket! Enraged, I stormed into Miller and demanded rectification.

The friendly woman at Miller told me she couldn't do anything about it, but she suggested I go down to UPD again and plead my case. Off I went. On the way back down there, though, I happened to see some douche police officer citing someone else for a parking violation. This must have been the same guy who gave me mine, so I stopped my car and rolled down the window. The very awkward conversation went a little something like this.

Me: "Hey! (holding out ticket) Are you the guy who just gave me this?"
Mr. Policeman: "Umm... yes."
Me: "Yeah, here's the deal. I had only parked there just now to pay this ticket (holding out other, legitimate ticket), because I haven't had a ticket in several years, and that's where you used to have to go to pay tickets..."
Mr. Policeman: "No, you're always had to go to Miller."
Me: "Really? Well, in any event, I was only parked for like five minutes as I ran into pay the ticket."
Mr. Policeman: "You were parked down there? (pointing toward UPD) But Miller is way up there. (pointing back toward Miller)"
Me: "Yes, yes, I know... maybe I'm not explaining myself well. Anyway, I really don't feel like I should have gotten this ticket."
Mr. Policeman: "Give it to me, I'll take care of it."
Me: "Thank you very much. (handing him the ticket) You know I wouldn't complain unless I felt, like, you know... (rolling up window, driving away)"

Awkward conversation, and I didn't know how to end it, but I saved twenty bucks. Sweet.

3.) I went out Thursday night with Ray and had a lot to drink. Like, a lot a lot. The highlight of the evening, though, came when we went down to Mobil ExpressMart to get some single drinks early in the night. Ray bought two "40's" of something called "Old English." I was not interested. Instead, I stuck with what I know: I purchased a nice, crisp, refreshing 24oz bottle of Smirnoff Ice.

Clerk: "Would you like a bag for this, or are you just going to put it in your purse?"

I'm not going to lie; that was a wicked burn. Well played, Mr. ExpressMart Clerk. Well played.

4.) 7:00 Friday morning came way too early, considering I had gotten mad drunk and didn't go to bed until 3:00. I really didn't want to go to classroom observation, but given that there are only four weeks left to get hours and I still need 25, I can't skip too many days. I was miserable; I wished I were dead. I threw up between periods, and again in the parking lot before I left to come home. I'm such a lightweght; it's very sad. I went to bed when I came home and slept until about 3:00 in the afternoon. That was nice.

So, in a nutshell, those were my past two days. Don't you wish you had my life? I guess I'm going to go take a shower and see what adventures I can have today. Probably none. We'll see.